this is a photo i took at my lake house last summer.
oh how i need summer.

don't come knocking

don't come knocking
we won't be here
we'll be enjoying life
facing our every fear

hello summer days
good bye winter cold
creating fresh ideas
ideas to conquer the old

don't come knocking
you never know what you'll find
we're out forming a universe
leaving an old one behind

painting the stories
crafting the poems
capturing the photos
and an issue to hold them

so don't come knocking
we wont come to the door
we'll be falling together
from the universe to the floor

cliche

up rooted from normalcy
slammed against society
kicked against the curb
difference is the key

dress different
be unique
feel emotion
defy defeat

smoke your pot
let your hair grow
read your orwell
preach what you know


create your art
avaunt guard at first
flowing with emotion
so much it might burst

the unavoidable truth
of this new day
in the search of unique
you became another cliche

spiral

f

a
l
l
i
n
g

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

from the marble pedestal that was once my home

into the dark spiral

what,that once was true, is not

down
down
down

d
e
e
p
e
r
and

d
e
e
p
e
r

until the light vanishes from sight

the spiral consumes everything

sounds lost, feelings disappeared

numb

my heart is

numb

b
e
a
t
h
u b
d e
a
t
h
u b
d e
a
t
h
u
d

it falls from my chest, motionless

the spiral consumes the ablility to love

steals the memories

captures the music

d d
r r
a a
i i
n n
s s

L
I
F
E

The End

Here we go, welcome to my funeral. With a heavy heart you step through the heavy oak doors of the church. You sit in the back, admiring the delicate stained glass windows the cover the side of St.James. The journey of your eyes passes over the crucifix and falls upon my casket. My casket is adorned with roses, and a photo of me. I would have liked irises and tiger lilies instead of roses, but you already know this. A tear falls from the eye and travels down your cheek as you realize this mistake. You also know i hated that photo, the one in the frame on my casket. As the service begins, your eyes scan the crowd. In the small church you find a congregation of my family and friends, but none knew me as well as you. When the first reading starts, your head starts to swirl.

"1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?

2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.

3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel.

4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.

5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.

6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.

7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:

8 "He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him."

9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.

10 From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.

11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.

12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.

13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.

14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.

15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me in the dust of death.

16 Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced my hands and my feet.

17 I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.

18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.

19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.

20 Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.

21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you." [Psalm 22: 1-22]

You were the only one who knew how much it mean to me, how I felt this way once. As the second reading begins, you can hear me recite the lines in your head, just had I had done a few days before.

" 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
[Corinthians 13: 1-7]

Tears now freely flow from your eyes. Your heart swells, the agony of my loss consuming you. This is not what I wanted. Never did I want you to be in pain over me. When the Gospel is over, and the homily is given, you watch as my casket is carried away. It's carried my my uncles, who fell obligated to their brother, my father, to preform this duty. As this happens the thunderous sound of bagpipes fill the air, followed by ave maria. As I'm placed in the hearse you silently say good bye, not only to me, but to the future we had, because when you lost me, you lost the future.




Note: This is a work of fiction.

Racing

Sometimes I feel as if I'm racing time. When constantly rushing to get things done, I fail to stop and appreciate the simple things in life. I miss the little things, like sitting with my friends in the morning, or reading a fantastic novel.I feel that I have less time to express my emotions, or even feel anything. It's numbing. I hate this feeling. I think that it has taken a toll on the relationships I have with my friends and my family. I see myself drifting from my friends, and have no idea how to stop it. It is like I am slipping away from the group, because I've changed, and so have they. Maybe the change is a good thing, but I'm not so sure about it yet. It is unsettling because I am afraid I will wind up alone.

Blogging...

So I am very new to blogging, so I apologize in advance for any stupid mistakes I may make. I used to think blogging was a dumb thing, because I really never understood it. Now that i understand it a little more, I decided to try it, because it sounded like a lot of fun, and a way to practice my writing. I feel like it is going to be a fun experience.